Sweet Sweet Irony

Not that divorce is every funny, but, this is kinda hilarious! Countess De La Crap of Real Housewives NYC is getting divorced. (Muffled laughter) I mean, she makes such a big deal of of WHO she is because of WHOM she married. Lame. If she stands on her own, I'll give her a little credit, but, chances are, she's reeling over the thought of not being a Countess. Oh, what's that? She wanted to assure everyone that she's not losing her title. Please! You can call it a Countess but that still doesn't mean it's not a burnt turd.

Dear CNN, why do you scare me?

I check CNN frequently to watch podcasts, read the news, etc. (What else would you do?) Anyway, today, the first 3 stories and more were about people harming children/children harming themselves. Beheading children, something about hearts being ripped out, diminishing childcare, babies falling out of windows...Whaaaa? I mean, come on! Isn't it hard enough? I can't hear dying baby stories on top of everything else! Obviously, news content isn't always "happy" or rarely happy for that matter, but, gimme a break CNN! No crazy babe stories. Enough. Also, if you harm a child, you should automatically be set on fire. Either set on fire or stuck in a room with Alex and Simon from the Real Housewives of NYC. You choose.

Word to the Wise

Isaiah Washington of Grey's Anatomy fame is in the process of losing his house because of failure to pay his mortgage. Let this be a lesson to all, you make fun or are rude to gay people, you will lose your house. Call people names=lose house. Sucks for him.

No you don't!

Somebody is writing Vicki from The Real Housewives of Orange County DEATH THREATS! Leave Vicki alone! Don't hurt her...she makes the show so annoying and glorious. Without Vicki, the show would be a skosh less-annoying, and I, a loyal viewer of all things Desperate, cannot let her die. So, go away! No killing any of the ladies...feel free to make fun of them on meaningless blogs, it's super effective.

I really just wanted to post a few pics from when I used to have eyelashes. Ha. Jk. These are from Kevin and LA's visit! We had a great time. (you can check her blog out, Hault under my profile and follow it!) The cool thing about skiing here is that it's about 65 degrees in this pic. And, the greatest thing is the beer and good music when your finished. (Sorry Anthony/Jeremy for the night ski I made you do) Fun times, good people. LA was also rocking her mom's ski gear from the 80's which, was amazing and complete with a bedazzled fanny pack.

Ridiculous

Yesterday, Lee and I are chatting while I'm getting ready in my little nook of our bedroom. He says something to the effect of, "do you hear the pretty birds singing?" And me, jokingly, I say "I don't care bout those birds..." Then two seconds later I'm screaming on the floor because I thought my eyelash curler inadvertently ripped my eyelid off. I look in the mirror and my eyelashes are gone! OMG! Lee runs in as I'm screaming that I'm sorry to the little birdies...and that it wasn't necessary from them to rip my eyelashes out. (Well, I did it, but, I'm sure they had something to do with it) I don't know what happened...my hand just jerked super hard. I look awful...and it's a little embarrassing, but, also hilarious. So, I wanted to share. I'm officially left-eye eyelash-less. Awesome.

Earth Hour

All across the world people are turning off and tuning out for an hour today. The pictures are unreal. To see Australia, China, entire cities go dark in an effort to conserve energy, help save the Earth if you will. Tonight, in the US, 830 pm is the time when the Empire State Building, the Las Vegas Strip, and thousands of cities will turn off their lights. You can check out pics on earthhourus.org

Pictured: China's "Birds Nest" stadium where the Olympics were held. Cool, huh?

Truly AMAZING! Plus, if you don't want to do it for the earth, do it for Edward Norton who is an advocate and voice in this years Earth Hour...you can watch his interview with Larry King on CNN. Something about him...super sexy.

Early April Fools?

Remember that one dude who got pissed at Brody Jenner on Bromance because he skipped out on the night they always watch "The Soup" together? You don't? Well, that's cuz he's a loser. (I saw that clip on The Soup) I mean, I don't know if he's a loser...but apparently, he is seeing Rihanna?! Hurry! Somebody! Get to Rihanna and tell her how fabulous she is!! She doesn't need anyone...and if she gets with someone, it should not be a reality tv star/club promoter (wait, reality tv star sidekick). What in the world? I guess it's not that one dude (see Stop Domestic Abuse), but, still...Riiiihannnna!

I'd need lots of money

Check out this new show premiering on NBC this summer! It sounds ridic.

This summer, NBC will roll out a new alternative series to I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!, based on a successful international series, about celebrities who exchange their posh lifestyles to try their hand at surviving in a challenging, snake-infested jungle environment. The series will premiere as a two-hour event June 1 at 8p.

I've never seen the show...but a snake infested jungle?! Is that safe? It doesn't seem like a controlled environment! Dang-er! I might watch it if there isn't anything good on Bravo. Speaking of NBC, I've never ever seen ER. Just thought I'd put that out there...

Booger Man

Sorry, Michael, back to Jasper you must go...He did seem like good folk. Alas, it was his time. Can you believe Matt was in the bottom 2? That is straight crazy. Each week I'm getting pushed towards actually voting...Also, I love jiving, groovy dancing (ask anyone who knows me I like to bust out my sweet moves, personal opinion) but it just seems like Kara is kinda fake. Maybe I'm way off...she just seems a little phony. That's all.

GG, OMG

Gossip Girl, why do you torture me? I was loving Dan being a bad guy gettin it on with the teacher. Well, Ms Iowa blew it and has to leave NYC because she's apparently a hooker and a Blair wannabe. (The clothes were extra amazing this week-loved Blairs anchor necklaces) Then Nate ends up staying over at Blairs while Chuck stands wide-legged downstairs in disbelief. I mean, it did make me a little angry, but, I found the last two weeks a little predictable. (The play director is gay?! LAME! Who cares!) Come on! I know you can do better GG. Bring Bart back from the dead! Let's find out Blair is pregnant with Chuck's uncles baby/spawn! Maybe I'm a little too dramatic...I'm waiting GG...

Holy Singing

Contestant Rundown...Top Ten...My thoughts:

Matt Giraud- I really like Matt. He's good and he plays the piano, which is super sexy.

Kris Evans- He tries to hard to be like John Mayer. His song tonight was a yawn fest. (and why is his name spelled with a K?)

Scott MacIntyre- I thought Simon was right...borrrriiinnnggg. I mean, what can I say?

Megan Joy- Who apparently doesn't use her last name anymore. I love her corkery ways, but, I didn't think she did that great with her song tonight. Dangit Megan. Dangit.

Anoop- Doggy dog. Rocked. It. Out. I was spontaneously lighting candles and taking bubble baths.

Lil Rounds- She fierce. And her booty doesn't quit. I liked her song, HEAATT WAVE! But, she could've done better. (And her weave was atrocious)

Michael Sarver- He always looks like he has boogers up his nose for some reason.

Adam Lambert- I like how he acted totally straight last night. (jk) He sounded amazing, tho, still annoys me a little.

Danny Gokey- I know this isn't a popular opinion, but, he bores me too. I like the tone of his voice, but, he just doesn't do it for me...

Allison- WTF?! I was screaming at the TV! She sounds like she's been singing and smoking for the last 50 years...she hung out with Janis Joplin and ran around barefoot at Woodstock, I know it. She was my fave of the night, amazing.

Don't Judge Me

I regularly tivo The View. I like the beginning when they chat about random topics and say some things I think are super witty, and some things that are super ignorant. (I ususally don't watch the guests) Today, it was hilarious. Whoopi, dearest Whoopi, was talking about "Twitter" but kept calling it Twat, or Twatter. And she was serious. They had to bleep it out...it was the best thing ever.

Say it aint so...

It was a little odd that Sean Penn didn't thank his wife during his Oscar acceptance speech, which, was spun by his publicist who said that he wanted to use that time to talk about issues important to him. Whatever! Still rude. Plus, remember when Jennifer Aniston didn't thank Brad? Now look where they are...far away from each other. Anyway, apparently Sean Penn and Natalie Portman were seen all over each other at dinner in LA. Will somebody please explain to me why famous people, famous married people think it's okay to go out in public and make out? In LA?! (I'm talking to you too Leann Rimes) Natalie Portman is one of my favorite actresses. I adore her. This is not cool. What is she thinking? (Although she is also linked to Robert Pattinson too) He may be brillzzz, but, he's married...and, well, married.

Obama Drama

I watched his press conference last night. A few things: 1) Unless you've read the stimulus bill, please don't act like you know everything. (This includes people who voted for or against it) 2) Our President is super smart. How does he know so much? 3) Whether you agree with him or not, he is trying to find us a way out of this mess. Sometimes I feel like people think that he wants us to fail? That is just silly. He inherited this problem, true, and I really hope his solutions will help us in the future. Does it suck that we have to help bail people out? Yes, it does. I'm just going to try and be positive and hope no one else loses their jobs. Peace.

For Christ Sake Psycho

The Octo-mom fired her nannies. Of course she did. Why would anyone think she would do anything logically? Round the clock care...nah. Also, I want that doctor who threw a buncha eggs in her arrested! Or, he can pony up some child-support...or foot her nail bill. Whatever, but, please, Octo Crazy Face, what is your deal? Somebody get those kiddies outta there ASAP!! I'm sure Gloria Allred, whom helped provide the care through an organization called Angels in Waiting, will have something to say soon...she just loves a good sh*$storm.

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

My girlfriend Lucy, whom I have known since high school, (but recently became friends with, nice!) is having a bit of a rough go of it as of late...(she has a blog, but, it's red-velvet roped, so, if you want to get in, you have to ask...and show some skin, sorry been in Vegas too long...) ANYWAY, bottom line is, she was with the man she thought was from her dreams, and then he dumped her...and then "found" someone else 4 days later. Every chick reading this is hopefully thinking what I won't type because, you know, I'm such a lady. Here's the thing, I honestly think everything happens for a reason. (cheesy, I know) I hate her pain because it sucks, in the moment, it seems like there is nothing worse than a broken heart. But, it's all a big game of trial and error...and trust me, I had lots of errors before I met Lee. (an embarrassing amount) I don't regret all the heartbreak, drama-filled college days, drama-filled after college days...I've been cheated on, a bia, and everything in between. Relationships are about timing, trust, and it is true when your mom tells you, "you just know...": Because, really, you just KNOW. A few words of "wisdom"; know yourself first, then find somebody who loves you exactly as you are. Pay attention to what he/she does, not what they say. It's important to value your own opinion the most, but if the people you love the most don't love your man/woman, rethink it. Sounds harsh, but, if your best friend doesn't like your man, it's probably not a good thing. (My friends told me he was gay....hmmmm...) So, obviously I'm not the authority on anything relationship-wise, but, I've just been thinking about Lucy lately. Chin up, in a few years, you'll be thanking him, promise.

Busting

My DVR is busting at the seams with trash-tastic programming to catch up on...it makes me so excited, which, I realize is very sad. I did watch Real World before I went to bed last night...did Chet really get a cardboard cut out of himself and hang it on the wall? Is he serious?! I think that is amazing in a very "special" way...and he needs to get a new outfit. Stop wearing the same purple scarf and black vest. (not pictured) That's all for now.

I love AT&T

I don't even know how this happened, but it did. What could be the WORST thing you could forget while going on a short trip? Your phone. How I left my phone in my bag at home is unbeknownst to me, but I did. I realized it about an hour into the trip, so, then I stressed the whole rest of the way. For some reason, if I do something stupid, it effects EVERYTHING. Not a happy camper. Here's my point: I went to AT&T the next morning and walked out 20 minutes later with a loner phone, my number forwarded with access to texts, etc. It was awesome. I dropped it off yesterday and got my money back. So, thank you AT&T. I think I want to have your baby.

Short Vacay

I was in Vegas. Oh, Vegas. You dirty little skank. You've deprived me of sleep and brain cells. But, nonetheless, you made me smile. We had friends out all week, road tripped to Vegas for a bachelorette party, and now I'm back home. Ready to catch up on all things interesting. Til the morning...

Gimme Etsy!

Lauren's fancy fun whimsy's are up on Etsy! Check out her store and get one! If you like cool stuff...some sweet pics too...

http://www.handmadelovelies.etsy.com/

Adam, oh Adam

Poor Johnny Cash was rolling around in his grave last night. Adam Lambert did a creepo rendition of Ring Of Fire. There are some things that should not be messed with, and, hardly anyone sounded "country" last night. Well, they had to put their own twist on it (say judges)...then it's NOT COUNTRY! Word. Adam Lambert's seducing camera stare is grossy, not sexy. Personal Opinion. And, Kara, what in the world was going on with your necklace? IT looked like she might've worn it to her high school dance in 1985. No more negative Nancy...I've got to go now...

Fickle

My 23 and Me profile was kind of boring. Which, my girlfriend pointed out..."would it only be worth it to you if you found out something was wrong with you?" Good point. I don't know what I was expecting? A ticking clock of how many days I have left? The thing is, it can only test for what it looks for. Seem obvious, but, I learned I'm not a carrier for certain diseases, I don't have the breast or ovarian cancer genes. (they only test for 3, there are far more) It doesn't mean I can't get it, just means the ones they tested for aren't present...The coolest thing about it was that I am, indeed, 2% Nigerian! COOL! I wish I wasn't a boring whitey, so, now, I can claim a skosh of ethnicity, right? Yes, I can.

Being Grateful is a Virtue

That chick in Twilight, Kristen Stewart, really bugs the crap out of me. She looks so miserable all the time. When "stars" act this way, it's so ugly and ridiculous. Get over yourself. Puh-lease. The least you can do is smile...show them fangs honey, no one feels sorry for you.

Michael Wackson

Would you pay to see him again? And if you did, would it be to see him or enjoy his show? I feel, its absolutely crazy that people in London are shelling out thousands to see the gloved one. I mean, reallllyyy? The only thing I'd be interested in is how freaky he sounded, looked, acted...etc. He sold out in HOURS...and now he's bringing it over here, which, well, whatevs. I prefer to remember Michael in his red jacket, gold sequins, hot black pants, grinding around singing and jammin on it all over the place. Here is the supposed set list tho...awesome.

1) Billie Jean
2) Wanna Be Startin' Something
3) Rock With You
4) The Way You Make Me Feel
5) Don't Stop Till You Get Enough
6) I Just Can't Stop Loving You
7) Human Nature
8) Smooth Criminal
9) Girlfriend
10) Man in the Mirror
11) Beat It
12) One Day in Your Life
13) Heal the World
14) You Are Not Alone
15) Remember The Times
16) Thriller

Where is Pretty Young Thing?! PYT!!!

WOAH!!! IT'S HERE!!!

I just checked my GMAIL...and no joke it says..."Your 23 and Me Profile is ready..." So, details to come!!! Isn't it funny how the world works?

Short Girls are CRAZY

I'm sure by now many of you have seen the "riot" at America's Next Top Model tryout in NYC this weekend. Apparently, someone yelled "bomb" and all these crazy chica's started running for their lives. This next cycle of Top Model is for girls 5 7' and under. Chaos ensued. Tyra is trying to add some excitement to her show I'm guessing with the new "rule." We'll see...I'm not sure designers will be clamoring to get their garments worn by short models, but who knows? (Because, you know, all the previous winners are working all the time. Uh huh.) There were at least three arrests and 6 injured. One thing we know for sure...rioting in the streets of NYC, now that's FIERCE. (I kid, I kid)

I'm so FRUSTRATED

Back in January, I was sharing with you my 23 and Me genome testing kit. I'm anxiously awaiting the results, which, should be due any day now. Do you think that my spit sample blew up in the lab because I'm really some freakish alien? I hope not, but, I'll let you know if I am...

****UPDATE*** I think their slogan is stupid..."Genetics Just Got Personal?" Um, okay, thanks. Because your genes aren't personal? Isn't that weird?

In honor of St Patrick...

In honor of St Patty's Day weekend...when cities dye their rivers green...here is me and my girlie last year on said glorious day. This is us cleaning up in a beer pong tournament. (We did win til the semi-finals, which, in itself was high-larious) It was an important day, to say the least. Wink, wink. Have a great weekend all...we have friends coming in this afternoon, so, suffice to say, I'm pumped! (those are furry green eyebrows I was sporting that day)

Friday is Fun and Full of Facts...

I blame my mother for my interest in completely useless facts. She seems to know everything (my bro too), it's a lil bizarre. Nonetheless, I know very little, but, like to use the information superhighway to read about all things random.

Friday Fun Fact! People in Nebraska eat the most ice cream. And, one of ice cream's main ingredient is AIR...without it, it'd be hard as a rock. Why? I have no idea. Since ice cream is mainly made of air, I think that I should up my dosage to daily. I mean, it's just air, right? Which is essential to life...so...eating more is actually good for you. Phew.

Good, sigh, relief

I didn't like Jen A. and John Mayer together. I just pictured him spitting into her lovely hair while he serenaded her with "Your Body is a Wonderland..." with his freaky tongue out all over the place. Oh...I just had a thought....nevermind. Supposedly they are done-zo, which, is a good thing I'm thinking. She should marry George Clooney. Funny, charming, sexy...have some babies...and steal stuff from the Jolie-Pitt residence if the opportunity would present itself. (barbecues, etc) Nobody is happy if there isn't any toilet paper...I'm just saying...

Stop the Violence

Where is Rihanna's family? What is going on? Obviously, Oprah and Larry King...and everyone in the media is speculating on her relationship with Chris Brown. I've watched interviews with girls 13-18 that actually said she provoked him to hit her...WHAT?!! It's disturbing. It's never okay to hit anyone...(unless your child is crying on an airplane) They just recorded a song together...gross. I'm going to plug my ears if it plays on the radio.

LuAnn is a Loony

For those of you who watch The Real Housewives of New York, unfortunately, you know the Countess LuAnn Delesseps. There is nothing worse than someone who is passive aggressively awful, jealous, and untrustworthy. She is super condescending, a hypocrite, and thinks she is (by marriage) above everything and everyone. She married a Count, thus, she is a (dis) Countess...what the hell anyway? (okay, his family did bring the Statue of Liberty to the US) In this weeks episode, she manages to turn anything anyone else does into something about her, even if it's negative. I will now be referring to her as Countess De La Crap, or just Sucky Buttwipe...Asscripe...whatever...

I don't know what to say...

I have no American Idol comments this evening because I was completely distracted by Paula Abduls crazy facelift!! What in the world?! Guess we know what she did on her week off...

Pictured: Paula Abdul, circa 2030

YAY UTAH!

These are pictures from our first visit to Salt Lake City...back in March a few years ago. The pic of us together, smiling, is before we went into our first bar here. We get to the door and the bouncer says, "are you members?" Members? What is that about? Um...is this a library? Suddenly, a man behind us says "I'll sponsor them." huh? Well, thank you kind sir. But, don't you get a sponsor to quit drinking? Not in Utah! In Utah, you have to have a bar membership to get into "private clubs." Which, considering the amount of tourists here, is ridiculous and, beyond that, a little weird. It's sorta like a cover, but not really because it applies to all bars. Today, that law is gone! No more memberships! On NPR this morning, the legislative branch is overheard saying, "tear down that wall..." all Reagan-Berlin-wall-ish. Hilarious. A small step for mankind, a giant beer guzzling step for Utah. The other pic is us at the final bar of the night...

it was so hilarious and unexpected. Mosh pit! The last pic is also another amazing Utah thing. When people cross the street here, they carry big orange flags. At first, I thought it was so silly...however, now, I totally need an orange flag to cross! I don't want to get hit by a car, so, I carry two flags.

Melissa...JUST DANCE!

It'll be okay...do da do...Melissa is taking over Nancy O'Dell's spot on Dancing with The Stars. Nancy and Jewel both have injuries due to dancing 8 hours a day and had to quit (and because they are babies, jk). I love that Melissa will get to put on skimpy outfits and dance it out on ABC. (Jason will probably want her back) However, I don't really care anymore about his stupid face. I might have to watch Dancing, just to see how it all shakes down...I'm sure Melissa is a good dancer, since she's a former DCC. (Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader) That show is hilarious. DCC! Ha ha.

About Our House

Er, apartment. Whatever. One of the first things I shared with you all is my hubby's affinity for digging through trash to find unexpected "treasures." And, sometimes, he does find something cool...(I still feel bad because in a way, it is stealing from the homeless, right?) When he found those old window panes; total SCORE. Well, we didn't find these in the trash, but, we bought them from a store that resembled a big trash can. They are old ceiling tiles. We put them around our place, didn't repaint them because they were simply charming as is...ch-ch-check it out!

On a serious tip...

I was either going to write about bikini waxes, or something serious...and I'm going serious for a minute. (bikini wax talk tomorrow-ish) I went to a GO RED for women luncheon today, which, is to raise money for heart disease. There were stories of stroke survival, and women telling stories of living with serious heart conditions and persevering. It made me think 1) I was born fairly normal, suck it up, life aint so bad and 2) these women are amazing. I think that not taking things (health, relationships, salvation...shelter...everything) for-granted is one of the biggest lessons in life. It's so important to cherish the big and the small. On a not serious note, Mrs. Utah was the guest speaker...and she was very very special. Her speech was chalk full of cliches, which, was quite hilarious. The women at my table, whom I didn't even know...totally got church giggles. I find most things hysterical, and I was really really trying not to laugh out of respect for Mrs Wackadoo 2009...but, then she said..."reach for the stars...sometimes, when life gets tough...you just need a friend...or a cookie.." HAHAHA!! What?!! (To her credit, she was majorly HOT) Then she continued with quotes I'm sure she read on a bumper sticker earlier in the day...Albert Einstien once said...

Anoop! Anoop! Anoop is on Fire!

YAY! Anoop, My lovely Megan, and MATT! CARDS OF WILD! (Oh and that Jasmine chick, whatevs)

Monkey Business

What do you think about having a Chimpanzee as a pet? Is that normal? Chimps are around 50K to buy, I wonder why someone thinks it'd be a good idea in the first place? Do they close the door when they go to the bathroom...on a toilet? They are wild animals. Bottom line. After the awful attack on the Connecticut woman, Charla Nash, much attention has been brought to those who have Chimps in their homes and how they are treated like children. Chimps as pets should be in a CAGE, not loose running around causing trouble, or even worse, causing permanent damage. For me, I know I would never want a pet that could start my car and write me a note...dogs are just fine. And, if you want to care for something that eats breakfast with you, or needs constant attention, has mood swings...adopt a baby/kid. There are plenty of babies that need homes...chimps are just fine swinging from trees.

The Real Housewives of New York

All things BRAVO are good enough for me...and I certainly don't exclude any of the Housewives. For those of you not familiar, there is a creepy couple on the show, Alex and Simon who are vacuous humans with a taste for all things "fabulous." They are so desperate and sometimes gross. However, tonight as I'm zipping through last nights episode, eating my dinner...I had to see Simon getting a spa treatment. Doesn't sound like a big deal, right? Please reference picture...I saw hairy nipples, up his nose...it was so DISGUSTING!! (He says "ohhhhh what about my groin area?" to the masseuse!!! No he DIDN'T!!) Please, Bravo, that was x-rated and I really can't get the images burned out of my eyes.