24.1.12

What Ben Really Means...

When Ben says "We have good chemistry..."
that means he wants to have sex with you. 
I'm so confused, when the conversation isn't going well, no laughing, etc. 
that the girl always says "I'm really falling for Ben." 
Uh, WHY? Why would you want to work that hard? 
Is it just because they are competitive? 
I'm talking about you Rachel. 
She seems cool, but, Ben keeps saying things like 
"small spark" and "slow burn." 
Oh my. Is it a forest fire or a date?
Let's get to Ben on the horse. 
"Here comes our prince riding in on a horse..
hair flowing in the wind..."
Cut to Ben with his greasy nappy hair barely flapping off the side of his face.
Courtney, who looks like a dark haired Jessica Simpson is ridiculous. 
You can tell she spends most of her time looking in the mirror.
And why does she talk like that? It's horrible. 
I want to rip her lips off. I need to calm down.
But Ben LOVES her. Trust. And nobody says "Winning" anymore. 
Nobody said it in the first place actually.

Jen's date. The plunge. Awesome.
How "127 Hours" of you Bachelor producers.
In fact, I want to go find that place and jump in it.
The worst part about this date - all the 'plunge' puns.
WAIT A SECOND! Blakely can do highlights?! New best friend.
I'd forbid Ben to get rid of her.
There is a point in the evening when all the 'ladies'
turn into truckers. Actually, no offense to truckers. 
Get it together ladies. 
Take a step back and realize what you're getting into.
I know that I said during Ashley's season 
that I would marry Ben based on his free and unlimited access to wine. 
I've changed my mind. There is too much grease there. Literally.

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