Some People..

I mean, celebrities. 

We've heard the stories before.

What celebrities ask for in their dressing rooms

pre-show.

Some of my favorites include 

Miss Mariah. 

She just HAS TO HAVE: 

20 white kittens and 100 doves

$200 bottle of cabernet sauvignon

2 dozen white roses and vanilla aromatherapy candles

No busy patterns in living room space

Room needs to be 75 degrees.

What does she do with the kitties?

And, our the doves nestled in her hair and flying around the room?

Or, are there cages everywhere?

That's weird. And kinda gross. 

Doves cry Mariah...haven't you heard the Prince song?

Oh, and they poo too. Just saying. 

Madonna has a 200-person entourage that includes 

bodyguards, personal chefs, a yoga instructor, an acupuncturist

and an on-site dry cleaner.

-20 international phone lines

-And, lilies and white and light pink roses that have stems trimmed 

to 6 inches.

I mean, she is MADONNA.

Why does she need to make so many phone calls though?

And, doesn't she have a cell phone? 

I guess there are 200 other people that need to use the phone, huh.

Um, now, Lady GaGa.

She has to have a mannequin with puffy pink pubic hair.

This is making me laugh because the poor intern who works 

at the venue, probably just started, is 19 years old...

is sent on an errand to fetch a mannequin 

and attach pink pubic hair to it somehow.

"I don't know! You're the intern! Figure it out!"

Her room must have white leather couches, fresh roses and black satin drapes.

Oh, and posters of David Bowie, Queen, Elton John and Billie Holiday.

(I'm not mad at her for that)

And, peanut butter with flax see that contain 

NO MORE THAN 4g of sugar.

I like MIA.

Her music.

I don't know her personally. 

I'm sure she's lovely. Uh-huh.

She would like, prior to her performance..

(which, I'd love to see actually)

But, she requests a pair of 20-25 year old dancers in full covered Burkas.

Come again?