Bachelor In Paradise

There are too many glorious one-liners to

repeat in this post from the finale of BIP.

To briefly summarize, 

we had 3 overnight fantasy dates...

Where one dude left his jeans on,

one dude banged in every corner of the room 

(uh, HER words) 

and one couple so deeply in love I think

the color of their eyes actually turned blue-er. 

Maybe it was the proximity of the ancient ruins that

electrified Marcus and Lacy's love, which, 

was reflected in the aquamarine color of their eyes. 

Not sure. 

Michelle Money and Cody Crush-A-Lot are happily living in Utah.

Still together. 

Her daughter, I'm sure not one bit embarrassed of her mothers on-screen antics.

Proud, even. Who doesn't want their mommy to say she's 'sore.'

I could barely type that. I apologize.

And, Marcus and Lacey are engaged.

Well, mazel y'all.

Sara and Marcus split because their chemistry was off during the overnight date.

I have my own theories about this which I won't post.

Maybe someday.

But, I think Sara is better off.

I dated a guy just like Marcus once. 

It ended up for the best, so, rest assured Sara...

your neck will get sucked soon.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO AMERICA??!!

This is what we watch on TV?! 

It's horrific, and mostly hilarious. 

Season 2 anyone?