Some Saaay LOOOVEEE...

It don't come eaaaasssyyy. -Wes #1 hit in Chihuahua Mexico...or whatevs...
This certainly applies to our beloved resident goofball Jake. Let's get serious ladies. Are you really in love with him? (this question does not apply to Tenley, I believe you) I know he cares about the simple things like "taking off for the Caymans on a Sunday morning" or says such swoon worthy things like "I feel like when we kiss I'm running on a treadmill." Really? If a guy said that to me I'd feel horrible. Who likes to run on a treadmill? So your saying your bored, miserable, watching TV, listening to music and trying to read a magazine to distract from the fact you are running on a treadmill? Oh, he didn't mean it like that? It's hard to tell. The overnight dates are always super fun. I was a little upset The Bachelor producers didn't play the volcano bursting montage when Vienna (from now on she will be referred to as Sausage) shut the doors to the bedroom in order to give him "something he can keep forever." Sick. Herpes? I digress. Gia's date was interesting. As in I can't really remember anything about it except for the hammock swinging above the ocean and Jakes treadmill comment so I'll just say it's interesting. Side bar: Gia's ex that she talked about cheating on her with all her friends is Carl Pavano a former pitcher for The Yankees, now with the Minnesota Twins. And she has a boyfriend in NYC, so, don't feel sorry for her. In case you did. Now onto Ms. Tenley Skittles, you need to stop talking about your EX. I mean, it's over the top too much. She likes talking about her ex as much as she likes being in her bikini. Both annoy me for obvious reasons. Oh Tenley Skittles. He saved the best for last, duh. Watching Jake and Sausage kiss was like watching any Oprah show last week. Disturbing, creepy, and uncomfortable.  Is she high on duster? That is the only thing that could explain her choices when she gets dressed before these dates and her incessent giggling. Oh, and when did jean shorts come back? Did I miss something? Everyone is wearing jean shorts at some point in the episode. My favorite part of the Jake/Sausage date was when he ASKED HER WHAT KIND OF RING SHE LIKES? (Princess she says, bleh, ick, gag) Uh, come again? Maybe all the previous Bachelors did this and they edited it out of the episode but really Jake?! Are you serious? Platinum. Sure it'll be platinum. So manly of you to have ABC buy the ring and ask the girls to spend the night with you via a letter that arrives to your table after a few glasses of wine.  I'll briefly touch on the Ali phone call. The best part was how they both looked like they were constipated. It was weird...and leave it to Jake "you drove away with a piece of my heart..." uh, okay Jake. Did they give you a book of cheesy one-liners to memorize in case you got in a jam? Or are you just that brilliant all by yourself? See you next season Ali. The Rose Ceremony was awesome. Did you guys catch the rhinestone bow on the back of Sausage's magenta getup/walking nightmare? The other girls must be so confused. Also, did anyone else think Gia was a little drunky on her "super special intimate video private personal message?" Stop talking Gia. Just sit there and look into the camera. Jake, my friend, you have given the women of America a true insight to a guy thinking solely with his wang. The Women Tell All (that the producers will let them tell or edit how they want to anyway) next week..stay tuned.