The Bachelor Finale.

Oh My GA.

Let me start by saying I almost

don't know how to recap the show because

to accurately describe it would be just a long,

agonizing scream.

But, I'll do my best.

There is one thing I do agree with Juan Pablo about..

I wish 'the earth sucked me too' because then I wouldn't 

have had to watch 3 hours of him being a complete ass.

Actually, 2 hours. 

The third hour I'm going to let him off the hook slightly. 

I"ll get to that in another post.

I'm not going to go on and on about the ridiculousness 

of this finale.

But, I will point out a few things to all women of America..

single, or not.

This applies to all relationships but,  

especially when choosing your life partner. 

If they are condescending ...
racist...

rude...

wear too tight of clothes...

love a long glance in the mirror (like, obviously too much)...

spray tan daily...

never actually SAY ANYTHING...
(have you noticed how he never says anything?)

aren't adored by their family...

it's probably not the best choice.

If your family is flown free to St Lucia,

has everything paid for and 

STILL can't manage to endorse you 

to your potential mates, 

you might want to reevaluate the type of person you are.

Now, if Nikki is the type of girl 

who is excited about making him 3 meals a day -

do his laundry, 

and change the channel for him, 

then maybe all of this is moot anyway.

I have been a bit harsh on Clare this season because

she seemed oblivious to Juan Pablo's, uh, charms.

And, obviously she was. 

Proud of her for saying what she wanted to

and speaking her mind. Good for you Clare.

Somewhere, Brad Womack is raising a glass to Juan Pablo...